Updated: Mar 26, 2019
march 14th 2016
בעקבות האובדן, בזכות התרגול.
In the past few months I've been on an unexpected journey that deeply impacted my life - the sudden death of my mother. Last week I attended my 60th day at "Breathe Los Gatos" as part of "60 days Yoga challenge" that this beautiful Yoga studio holds every year. Being a yoga student, practicing movement, breathe, self study and meditation, had an immeasurable roll in my journey of grief. Thinking about my mom brought me to a path of exploring places of loss and sorrow I have always had within - black pockets that leave me shaken and empty every time I dive in.
When I was a child, an imaginative black round pocket was always there for me, to keep me safe as in my mom's womb. Later on, as grief started to take part in my life, the black pocket became bigger, expending beyond my control, and was not a safe place anymore. It was the suffering itself that I had chosen, because I lacked the tools to understand this pain of emptiness.
Years after, meditation and then yoga came my way. Little by little my practice brought back a sense of safety, a soft feeling of growing and building myself again from the universal womb. Now that my mom is no longer with me, my practice holds me together. Throughout these sixty days of constantly meeting my mat, my teachers, my sangha and myself, I've been able to embrace my grief through the transformational path it was carrying me on.
These are some pearls and stones I've brought up from the deep, dark sea of not having my mom with me in her body anymore, and from choosing to show up, each day, come rain or come shine, to practice life on the mat, and beyond.
"Practice. And all is coming" K. Pattabhi Jois.
Pearls and Stones
I'm here To bear your soul To ease your mind To share your tender heart with mine
I'm here To take away your pain To spread your silence all around
I'm here To dive To find that place Where stones and pearls lay awaits
I'm here I'll go as deep So I could fly I'll clear my path Towards you